This is a painting I’ve wanted to do for fourteen years, but never knew how. This is the first attempt that I’ve really liked, but I’m sure it’ll be even better once I learn more. I think it might faire better as a pastel portrait on black paper.

05 July, 1989

I knew my eyes were in a shadow, and it gave me a voyeuristic thrill as her gaze travelled over me. But, she didn’t want me hidden.

She rubbed her thumb across the riverbed with something that seemed sorrowful in her eyes and moved me until I felt the light glow against my eyelashes. I’d gotten used to seeing her smile that night, and wasn’t ready to go back to mourning, but then she asked me “are you in love with me?” and I realised it wasn’t sorrow at all that I was seeing.